All my life I have always thought that I could live by myself and that I live for myself never knowing in the journey of life where I met you I will find happiness relying my heart to someone. I have learned to love and I was loved in return. Although it took you forever to pick me up from the deep burrow of solitude, you still managed to restore all that’s lost in me… including FAITH and TRUST. I know that during those times you almost surrendered nevertheless you gave your all. You fought so hard until I managed to open my eyes to reality. I have found reality. I have realized how it feels to love and be loved. I have learned to give my all including my faith, my trust and my love. I have seen the many wonders of love and life. I have found everything in you. Yet most of all and the saddest part is, I have found my reality and myself the moment you started to walk out the door. I found reality when it was almost too late. You finally surrendered. Maybe I still have a long way to catch up on you. You’ve walked away. Maybe not yet so far away but I know it’s already hard to turn back especially when you’ve found another companion. Someone who wouldn’t do the things I did. Maybe I should let you go. Then make the realization the reason to change. Make you the reason to change. Yet at the back of my mind says the change should only be for you and not for someone else. I should learn again the other way. Maybe my heart’s in a tangle right now. Doubts, regrets, pain and all the heartaches you can name echoes from every corner of my mind.. Everyday it hurts more and every second without you breaks my heart into tiny little pieces that no one could ever fix again. My heart is in a tangle. I am hurt. Let this be a reason for me to settle, to rest and to live the rest of my life as somebody else.
So much about fairytales and happy endings! I despise them all. I used to believe in fairytales, in fate, in destiny and in love. I used to be so in to romantic quotes, listening to romantic songs and be oh so hopelessly romantic. I was happy falling in love and having someone to catch my fall. He was a miracle to me. He was my prince just like in fairytales minus the fairies. Everything went on so smoothly. Everything was exceptionally romantic. As flowers bloomed in May our love bloomed too. It was perfect and it was very romantic just as I imagined in fairytales. He came asking for my hand and promised to protect me just like a prince or a knight promising to his princess or his lady. I was drowned with these fantasies of never-ending love and happiness. I was blinded with reality that he is only human and still capable of hurting somebody including me. I despise the truth that this is not yet eternity and I am still not spending forever with him. I was hoping to spend a lifetime with him just as fairytales ended happily ever after. Truly I was made to face the consequences of too much fantasizing and of too much belief in fairytales. I was made to face reality that this is life and not a fairytale. I was made to face the truth that my prince and I couldn’t live happily ever after because happy endings never existed in this so called reality. I was made to face my fear of losing him. I did lose him. I lost. I lost my fairytale, I lost my dream and I lost him. Everything was crushed down before me. I was hoping to just drown and die than to face reality that fairytales existed only in books. Reality slapped right in my face. I was just hurt. So hurt that I could cry all night hating everything, hating fate, hating fairytales, hating destiny and hating love. I was made to hate and hate and hate and hate. I hated the way my fairytale ended as a tragedy unlike Cinderella or Snow-white or sleeping beauty. What I could write at this moment is shallower than what I feel for the cut that he left was deeper and it was not made to mend in months. Maybe it would take me a lifetime. No fairy can help me now. No… nothing can ever… I’ll have to accept its goodbye. I’m not a princess and I am in no fairytale. I exist in a world called reality and happy endings never existed. Tragedy… that’s all there is… tragedy…
I wish to write about the past without intention of hurting someone... without intention of believing it but with the intention to relive the happy memories that once has happend in my life... yes... for once i loved and was loved in return... but love now has to go... his heart has a new owner now and life must move on even if life won't...
the past... what's one thing in the past i can't forget? *thinks thinks thinks*... well i say i can't forget EVERYTHING... from the moment chenny introduced him to the moment ive decided to let go of the things really not meant for me... to let go of the love... the past maybe...
it hurts to feel the memories once again... but this is my choice... i need to let go of my feelings.. the feelings that i never even told you that was there all along...
i miss so much your text messages... and how i wished i replied to all of it... i miss so much your phone calls... which i took forgranted before... i miss so much the way u call me "b"... i miss so much our night outs with mom... i miss so much the fun we had... our fights... our sorries... oh how i missed so much ur basketball games with my bros.. i miss ur weekend visits... til u go home late at night.. i miss so much ur company on new year's eve, christmas eve and on ordinary days... how i wished i let you make feel how special it is rather than ruin it with my mood swings... i miss so much ur "i love u's", "nytie b" and "take care my baby" i miss so much ur voice on the phone.. i miss so much the songs that u used to play me i miss so much the times we hold hands and hide it from mom... it seems so silly of us.. i miss the way you hold my hand and the way u put ur arms on my shoulder... i feel so secure... i miss so much your YOU... oh how i missed ur love... yet let past be bast... i wish i didn't have to hurt you :cry:
the past... i miss it... as i promised i won't linger much to it... i won't hurt someone... i won't hurt myself... i just want the past to be a part of me now... i don't want it erased... but i just have to learn and live with it... i love him but i can't fight for him... it doesn't mean it's not love... love is inexplainable... it's just that sometimes when we love we have to let go even if we don't won't to for them to be happy... sometime in life too we need to let go of the person we really love.. God works in mysterious ways... hu knows... he wants us to let go to give space to the one that could love us more... i hope i'll find him...
love u past! but ul remain as past... i promised someone i will..... :)
Why do beginnings have an end? Why do we find someone only to lose in the end? Why do we have to let go when we want to hold on? I don’t know… I don’t. He’s gone? Yes he is and pain lingers softly day and night as memories swiftly flashes one by one in every corner of my mind. Faces, pictures and memories they all haunt me and I run away like a scared helpless child… helpless indeed. Every night you anticipate for his call, you hope he’ll take back his goodbye but he’ll never… never. It hurts. Of course it does. Yet no matter how we want to, we can’t stop time, we can’t dictate fate and we can’t choose our destiny. There’s no way for us take back the past. There’s no turning back when it comes to love. You have to let what is done be done and let what is past be past yet learn from it. We have regrets and we know we’re sorry for it but then even if we have the courage strong enough to move mountains, faith deeper than the deepest ocean, we can’t take back the words we’ve said nor dry the tears we’ve shed and take back the love that was all along there. We need to accept that it would hurt but not linger too much to it. We need to unwind and cry temporarily to let all feelings go but never too long… never cry too long. He’s gone but not forever for if the world still turns the impossible still runs. Anything can happen in this world. Trust is what you need and patience too. But if you won’t move on then nothing will happen. If you remain stuck in the past you’ll never see the future. If goodbye then let it be, let it be goodbye… if he comes back then let he be yours forever. Wait but move on… wait for God’s plan but move on from the past. Go and learn from the past. Life must move on even if love won’t. I need to put that in mind and yes in my heart. Not what you want would always happen and not all love story ends with a happy ending. This is reality not a fairytale. If we lose someone just learn from it. To learn from the past is like learning from a great mentor. Learning from a love lost is one way to find that one true love destined for us. Learning indeed is the art of letting go. Learn that letting go is bittersweet… bitter because he won’t be with us anymore in our journey but sweet because the memories would always remind us that we’ve learned and that someday when we look back at these times we could say “hey, I’ve learned the art of letting go” I’m learning… I’m enjoying it… I’ll let go now… I love you one last time…
I thought this is going to be hard... yet when i saw * i realized this has happend before and that i shouldn't be afraid... letting go is learning... learning i say is the art... i've learned... i've discovered the things i didn't before... i am after all human... vulnerable to pain... enjoying my free natural rights.. to live and love... he's out? gone? or maybe waiting to be release? who cares?! care ko!!! this is my life and no one will ever bring me down... i've learned i've grown... and now let my heart beat again... somebody already found the pieces...
u know hu are... thanks for giving me the chance nobody ever gave me... Yo te Voy Amar as we used to say!
kausap kita ngayon pero hirap... bakit kelangan pa ba mangyari to... di ko masabi ang dapat sabihin... it's not goodbye.. it's thank you.. di ba? so i duno... i love you with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my life... remember? basta b... i'll be over u somehow
kausap kita ngayon pero hirap... bakit kelangan pa ba mangyari to... di ko masabi ang dapat sabihin... it's not goodbye.. it's thank you.. di ba? so i duno... i love you with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my life... remember? basta b... i'll be over u somehow
Im not sure how long can i take it... i'll try and try though... finally i managed a day without texting or calling you! it won't be so hard after all... i need to do this although it seemed so impossible :cry: so i guess this is it... a beginning of another chapter :) I'll survive! ima fighter! :)
paalam!!!! nahihirapan ako pero kakayanin... si mommy kasi... tanong nang tanong you've decided na eh... sorry kung inaway kita lately ha... dapat lang kasi...
i don't know how to start this nor to end... i've had enuf foolishness for a decade! i have to bid you goodbye... i need to although i don't want to... i'll try to want it... i won't forget the last walk we had padung sa CITOM... i was like "Sh*t calm down lang pheebs kay last na ni ninyo kuyog" and in fact it surely is the last... im giving you space... Maybe you've lied to me! you've deceived me with your detour2 stuff! you've changed and don't blame it to me... it's not my fault... it's yours... you didn't resist temptation! farewell, goodbye wutever... i'll always love you and that's for sure yet... i have to keep on moving... i have to... i need to... to be continued...
don't hurry me in moving on cuz im still starting! it's not easy to let go of someone you've learned to love... you have loved! it's not easy at all just as i used to think way back ages ago! i love him... so much that it hurts to let go... he said he still loves me and i can see it in his eyes but i guess one should have to go... let it be me... i love him so much that i need to let him go... let past be past as i used to say... when i go memories would be everywhere! but i'll try not to think about him... no i won't... i won't
sori if ngayon lang ako nakasulat... sige ganito yun...nagbreak kami ni dex di ba nung feb 21? as in pumayag na talaga siya... bakit nangyari yun? kasi gaga ako... nangyari yung kinatatakutan ko... i fell in love... in love na talaga... tsaka tama si mej...someday mararamdaman ko rin yung rejection and pain na nafeel niya! karma nga siguro 'to... when i realized i have fallen for dex i tried to move away not knowing he was hurt but then the moment he turned to leave it gave me the courage to speak out! imagine... si phoebe... nagbeg! as in nagmakaawa... then i found out he found someone so i stepped back eh ngayon... nagkalinawan kami! nagkikita kami pero it's different... masakit.. tuwing kasama ko siya sabi ko sa sarili ko "p*cha! bakit ka nainlove? wala na siya phoebs pabayaan mo na" pero ndi talaga kaya ng powers ko... mahal na mahal ko siya! ngayon lang eto... ngayon lang ako tumino... ndi ko na kayang manloko... ano na ngayon? suko na ako.. :cry: di ko na kaya.. masaya na siya eh... mahal niya ako pero mas masaya siya sa kanya... masakit pero kakayanin... kailangan... pupunta ako singapore para makalimutan ko siya... pupunta ako manila, ormoc kahit saan! gusto kong iwan nalang ang nakaraan pero di ko sasabihin sa kanya... ayo kong habulin pa niya ako... eto na ang tama... at last gagawa na ako ng tama... mas marami ang sasaya kung ito ang gagawin ko... :( :( mahal ko siya... di na yun kailangan pang tanungin.. pero kailangan eh... :cry: oo tanga ako! :x gaga! lahat lahat sabihin nyo na!
it seems just like yesterday... you sat here beside me... listening to our favorite music, holding my hand whispering "I love you" then now i found myself here all alone, no one to hold, no one to laugh with, simply with no one... i am on the verge of letting go, letting my feelings go, setting myself free... i hope i'm right i just hope.. it's hard to let you go every corner of our house reminds me of you, even my phone, my room... our car... everything! this is not my decision to go but i have to... you might not notive it now... i know soon you'll wonder why i'm not answering your call or calling you... someday you'll know... someday you'll know i did this because i love you too much that hurts to realize you love me but you're happy with someone else... i love you and always will... i'll say it loud and proud 'til the day i die!
tama nga kayang di ko sasabihin sa 'yo na aalis na ako? tama nga kayang basta nalang kitang iwan? mahal kasi kita at gusto kong liligaya ka... sana... di ko 'to ginagawa kasi gusto ko... napilitan lang ako... kailangan eh...
basta aalis na ako bago mag MAY... i'll give you time together... di ko na sasagutin lahat ng tawag mo at higit sa lahat di ko na kakausapin si tita... para ndi ka na magagalit... mhal kita... yun lang ang mahalaga... masaya ka na di ba? di ba? DI BA?
im down to my last ounce of courage... i need to let go now... i met her and i find her great! she's the best! i think he's in good hands now... so i guess i'll have to let it be... let it go... it's my fault anyway... I just realized it now that im not after all that strong... i need to go... i love you always baby taz! i will.. always and forever.. :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
I wonder where did I ever go wrong? Yet, I know I must be strong. I got to let go of him. Find someone new that would reciprocate my love. Soon enough I did find someone. I found someone that loved me back and loved me for who I am. He helped me move on. He picked me up from the painful fall and comforted me not just with words but also with guidance. HE WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME. I never thought I’d still feel this way. I never thought I’d find bliss with someone else. “I’m happy now and that’s all that matters” “Are you sure? But are you using your heart?” a friend of Roel asked “Leo, we’re over. He told me to move out from his life and I just did. It doesn’t matter if I used my heart or head. I’m happy now.” “Trish, you’ll never be happy.” “Nobody knew what happiness means to me. I’m happy with Jake and that’s all that matters” I told myself as Leo turned to leave “…and oh by the way Trish, he still loves you. Bye.” “How can one say he loves someone when he himself couldn’t even show it?” I thought to myself. The conversation with Leo resulted to a teary, lonesome night. For that night memories flashed back. I can’t forget Roel. 2 years with him is like eternity. Then the phone rang… “Hi… How are you?” His voice made me cry even more. Yet, the more I cried when he uttered the words “I miss you”. I stood up with pride and told him not to bother me anymore and bade goodbye. “It’s the right thing. You’ll just hurt Jake, Trish” I told myself and allowed myself to cry until I fell asleep. The next day I woke up upon hearing the never-ending chirping of birds. Then, when I stood up I saw Jake bringing with him 2 lovebirds. “Good morning baby! Happy monthsary. Got something for you… so, what do you want to name them?” “Wow! Thanks baby! Let’s name them buttercup and pooh!” “Ok so buttercup and pooh it is!” “See Trish, you’re happy right?” I thought to myself. Everything went quite well. Until one night Roel called again. “Please don’t bother me. It’s too late.” I told him still full with pride. “Trish, I’m sorry. I know I’m wrong. I was just scared to love not realizing that the more I stopped myself the more I fell for you. I was about to show it to you trish but you already left.” He said in between sobs. Then there was long silence. I couldn’t speak. I was already in tears. Yet, I know I need to speak now. “Roel, I’m sorry. I’m fed up. I don’t understand you anymore. You’ve changed a lot. I’m happy now with Jake.” “So, does it mean that you don’t love me anymore?” I fell silent for deeply the truth is, I still does. “I don’t love you anymore” I said thinking of Jake. the birds began to chirp endlessly but stopped when Roel began to talk. “OK then…” and I heard him sob even more. “so I guess it’s goodbye… thanks for everything Trish. I will never forget you.” “thanks too Roel and by the way, you already said goodbye a long time ago.” “Yeah I did. But I never left. I never moved on. It was you who began to leave without even waiting for me.” “Because I was already fed up.” “I know. Yet you never told me. I could have done something. Remember when I told you I don’t want to lose you? I meant it and will always mean it.” “Why now Roel? Why? Why me?” “If not now then when? You? Because in this world of fantasies, you’re the only reason why truth exist. You’re the girl of my dreams. You’re my reality that it hurts to see you go.” “It should have been before when I was still yours… when I was still holding on” “You never told me you were leaving.” “Do I need to tell yo?” “Yeah, so that I’ll know it’s time.” “So you were waiting for me to leave before you’ll tell me what you feel?!” “no, I was waiting for enough courage. Maybe the thought of you leaving would already bank enough courage to tell you.” “I need to go Roel. Jake is going to call” “I will always love you buttercup...” “Put down the phone…” “I can’t! You do it… you were the one who let go…” I put down the phone and ended the call. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I longed to tell him how much I love him but I just can’t. Then the phone rang…. “Hello?” then there was silence. “Are you OK, Trish?” “Huh? Of course I am! Roel just called” then there was silence again. “I need to sleep now baby.” There was never ending drops of tears and I feel I need to be alone. “OK then… I love you baby” I fell silent… bit my lips and responded “Um… I love you too.” Then I was left alone in my room. I felt uneasy with the eerie silence so I decided to turn on the radio but turned it off upon hearing our song and then decided doze off to sleep. When I woke up Jake was sitting on the couch next to my bed. “Good morning baby!” he said. “How long have you been staring at me there?” “All my life. I’m just happy I have you now” “See Trish… you’re happy now, right?” I told myself. Then there was silence. “Trish, Jake’s leaving. We talked last night after we talked…” silence again broke and after a while… “He still loves you” “Oh c’mon Jake! You know it’s over!” “Are you sure? Then why are there tear stains on your pillow?” I fell silent and stood up. I was on my way to the shower when he stopped me. “Do you still love him?” a tear fell from his eye. “Nonsense! Why should I? I’m happy now! He belongs to the past.” “You’re happy because you love me or you love me because you want to be happy? C’mon Trish! 2 years is 2 years and we’re only a month. How can you say you love me more than you love him?” I was already in tears when he finished. I was like suspended in mid-air trapped in a dilemma of the one I love and the one that loves me. “Jake, he’s leaving so let him leave!” I said “He won’t if you’ll catch up on him. I know you still love him. I can see it in your eyes. I love you but I guess I’ll have to let go.” Jake opened the cage of our lovebirds. He went to the window and released them. I was standing there still unaware of what’s happening. Then Jake turned to me and bended to kiss me. “Trish, I’m setting you free! You’re free. Go back to Jake. Use your heart Trish not your head… you’ll never be happy with me.” Then he turned his back and began to walk away. I ran after him and hugged him from behind. He turned to me and hugged me and he said “You’re the best thin that I’ve ever had… thanks for your time…” he kissed me and he was gone. I stood there still taken aback with the sudden change of the atmosphere. I found myself crying again… Then I found myself in Roel’s porch. The house was empty. After a few more attempts I decided to give up. He has gone away. I have lost them both. But as I was about to give up hope, I saw Roel standing not far from me. And in his shoulder was a bird… when I came closely I realized it was buttercup… she found her way to him! But where’s pooh? How come? “He already set you free remember?” I thought to myself. I ran to hug Roel so tight. “I thought I lost you…” “You’ll never will… never” then he leaned down and kissed me. “Why did you come back?” “I don’t want to go without bidding you goodbye… You might want to stop me”
dedicated to pooh bear!
NOTE: Plagiarism is a mortal sin! if you like it ask!
I assure you it won't be the end. this is just the beginning of a realization that should have taken place before I made you choose another path... another path with someone else... I LOVE YOU... I know you do too... yet we still have to mend a lot o things and time could only tell 'til when. TIME HEALS... I'm happy I still have you yet the scar remains... This is just another challenge and I know we'll manage to rise. I know we can make it. WE'RE BOTH STRONG. "there's always a rainbow after the rain baby" I just wish that everything would turn out right just in time... i don't want to be lonely but i also don't want so spend life with someone else... I WILL WAIT... I WILL FIGHT...I WILL LOVE ONLY YOU...
Everything was so perfect... except me... I was a fool and foolish enough to be so dumb hurting the one that loves me and the one that I really love
Maybe I was just too careful this time because of the bad past with J... pero sana... d ko nlang sinaktan si dx... maybe siya na pala yung hinihintay ko...
Now that it's me knocking on his door... di na niya pinapansin kasi ayaw na niya... he's tired... im hurt
now as i linger to this loneliness of mine... I got nobody else to blame but me... I"m stupid... I'll have to hold now 'til this heartache ends... i love you dex...
It's my first entry! Anyways, we don't have exams... finally! here's a picture pala from Sinulog... [image]badgurl777_4490780 16.jpg[/image] that's in ayala... sa basement it's me,wynona, hazkit, aisha, jasmine and katrine... here's antoher pic from sinulog [image]badgurl777_9732334 43.jpg[/image]
